Girls and Philisophy

It always boggles me, how many times history will end up repeating itself, but then again, history is anything that happened a second ago. So history repeating itself could simply just be waking up at the same time every morning to go to work. Anyway, in this case I'm referring to the simple fact that I am once again with someone I can't actually be with, and so I'm not actually with her.

For those of you who are confused, which I imagine would be most of you, I should probably explain, so I'll start at the beginning. About nine or so months ago I got with a girl called Lydia, her mum hated me because I was eighteen, while her daughter was sixteen, and so me and Lydia were forced to part. But then in September Lydia found a way to communicate with me, and tried to restart a relationship between us. Which failed, because I'm an asshole.

Anyway, this has happened yet again, only this time not with Lydia, but someone else who was forced to part ways with me for the same reason, but since we both have smartphones now, we can easily communicate, which sparked an unofficial relationship. One which has escalated quite dramatically, but she still says it isn't a relationship, because we can't find a way past her mother.

So now that has happened/is happening, my brain has gone on a weird loop. My thought process is flicking between self hatred, and questioning the finer points of philosophy. Currently, I'm in the more philosophical mood, with a strange question in my head, one that I just had to make a philosoraptor meme for.

It was the first thing that came into my head after I put my guitar down about half an hour ago, and it is just floating around at the forefront of my mind. The question is going to bug me all night, but thankfully, I don't need any brainpower at college tomorrow, and so I can try and answer my question.

Anyway, I've had a surprisingly good week despite all the downs, I haven't needed to be in college! To make things better, my timetable has changed and I now have days a week off instead of just one. So I get to spend Fridays sleeping in through the morning. Either way, I'm going to enjoy my new timetable.

Modern Technology

I have been gifted with a smartphone! I don't know what I'm going to do with my smartphone, but I've got one now, which is definitely a nice start. I have to say that it a weird thing, it's grubby, and it has a cracked screen, but it was given to me by a plumber, who has just bought a Cat work-proof phone. It may be work proof, but I can pretty much guarantee that it is not Dion proof.

Anyway, the smartphone I received is a HTC Desire S, now I have never heard of HTC before, so I don't know if that means I am simply just out of the loop, or HTC are so bad it was probably a good job I hadn't heard about them. Either way, only time will tell.

Naturally the first thing I did on this phone is disable the auto-correct feature, I have received enough poorly written Skype messages to know that auto-correct is a very bad idea. After that I performed a factory reset, to cleanse it of all the old account details that can't be removed any other way. Then I installed Snapchat so I could annoy Nath's cousin.

My current opinion of this thing is that it's okay, but the battery seems non-existent, by the time I've loaded up my music the battery is has lost 30% of it's charge (exaggeration), my old phone may have been pretty crappy, but I only needed to charge it once or twice a week, this looks like it'll be on charge every night.

I was initially very skeptical of this phones alarm system, I had tried to listen to Iron Maiden through the phones speaker as a test, and I discovered that the speakers were very quiet, but when my alarm went off this morning it pulled me out of two dreams, for I was dreaming in my dream, and being pulled into the real world from two dreams is a very strange sensation. I suppose it also helps that I have a very loud song set as my alarm.

My only quarrel is that it is outdated, and so some of the games I wanted to put on it aren't compatible, which is a shame because Boom Beach looks pretty good. But I've got 9GAG, Instagram and Snapchat on it. I also have an app called SoundHound, which answered the question that has been plaguing me for three years now.

The question was: what is Bernard Doherty's theme song for Listomania (a radio show on Planet Rock)? This question has been bugging me for ages, because I have never heard it played before, and so I couldn't read the song name on the LED screen, thankfully Soundhound allows you to hum, sing or play a song/tune and it will tell you the song title. The song in question was Love Spreads by The Stone Roses, now I have the title, I can get to learning it on guitar.

I guess I have now joined the countless ranks of teenagers who are glued to their phones, or have I? Only time will tell I suppose.

Happy Horrors

This week has been one of those awesome weeks, filled with dark secrets, happiness, and horror. Since that makes no sense, I'm hoping you are now more inclined to read on. Since they are called secrets for a reason, you won't be reading about those, but I will start off by talking about the horror of this week.

So awhile ago I ordered a Harley Benton RB414CS from Musikhaus Thomann in Germany. The bass arrived this week, and I was extremely happy, especially since I was trapped in a bus with my scariest ex-girlfriend just moments before. Before my feeling of self hatred was lifted, I opened the box and discovered that the bass inside needed replacing, there was a problem with the plate the bridge pick-up was attached to.

So after an hour suffering Jasmine, I have to face disappointment. Typical. Anyway, Thomann have been nice to me and will exchange it, but first I have to get UPS to pick it up and send it back. That doesn't bother me since it's already been paid for.

Anyway, this week has thankfully included more happy things than bad things, for instance I ended up watching all three Little Mermaid films on Monday, on Wednesday, I picked up the Royal Blood album for a fiver, and just yesterday I finished working on this damn acoustic guitar which has been getting under my skin since me and Nath took on the damnable project.

More importantly, this week came with new guitar strings. So far I haven't found a sensation I like quite as much as the feel of new strings. Annoyingly I ordered the wrong set of strings, but that doesn't bother me, they still feel incredible, I'll just have to triple check next time (since my double check didn't work). In case you are wondering I ordered D'Addario Chromes Jazz Lights (I wanted the Extra Lights), the Jazz Lights are still awesome though, and if you haven't tried D'Addario Chromes I'd recommend you give them a shot.

Along with the strings I also ordered some Gibson Pump Polish, and some Planet Waves Lemon Oil. I'd recommend both products for those of you who like your guitars looking their best. I also get the feeling that I won't be buying anything this year I appreciate even half as much as that Lemon Oil (unless I buy the Ashdown Little Bastard).

Yes, I like buying guitar things, I'd also recommend that you guitarists get your hands on a string winder and a good set of wire clippers. I also can't stress the importance of buying a good strap (and if necessary, a set of Schaller Strap Locks) and also a decent lead, such as the Fender Performance Series leads.

I feel like this has been a massive advert, So I'll leave you with one last thing: beware of shoggoths, and avoid rutabagas.

Forwards

I realised when I posted my last column on Bronies UK that I missed out last weeks post, So Happy New Year everyone, I hope you all got wasted and had lots of fun, and I also hope that you can't remember all those naughty things you did that night. Joking aside, I have quite a lot of plans for this year, mostly centered around my band: Reincarnated Love.

I get the feeling the skeptics reading this are laughing, and have probably made a mental comment about me saying "joking aside," but I don't really care about what those skeptics think. No one can tell me with any certainty what will become of the band,  It's not likely that we'll make it, but you never know. And unless the band does get anywhere, I still aim to have a steady income from elsewhere.

I also get the feeling there are others who have read my previous posts thinking something along the lines of "I thought he wanted to join the army," which is true, I do want to join the army, but I want to join as a musician. I position which will be pretty hard for me to score, especially since I can fill only one of about forty-five slots. Other things that will get in my way include the entrance exam, audition and the simple fact I am ungraded in my instruments.

I am actually confident in my audition, I'm working on the two pieces that I have to perform. I am grateful that I can chose the two pieces of music, as long as they contrast. The word contrast is what worries me the most, to me it could mean many things while referring to music. So I'm just going to have to hope that they accept the contrast I have chosen, and also hope they don't ask for the names of the pieces. Anyway, I try not to think about those things, the more I do, the less confident I feel, and a lack of confidence will obliterate my chances of success.

Anyway I seem to have sidetracked a little, so as for the band, we intend to get a four track EP recorded so we can stick it on ReverbNation and hopefully start gigging. We currently have a friend of ours working on our publicity for when we do get everything ready, but until then we can only practice what we have and write more.

The four tracks for the EP have all been written, one of which is even loaded with a solo from each member of the band, but since we no longer have a rhythm guitarist, Nathan will have to record the second guitar as well as his own, and hopefully we can train up a fourth member soon enough.

We will face a few difficulties when it comes to gigging, the first of which being we are a member down. But more than anything our current biggest problem is that we don't fully know what kit we will need, we do know that we can currently only play somewhere that already has a PA system, our amps are loud enough even if they don't get mic'ed up, but we only have 3 amps big enough to use: a 100 watt Trace Elliot Commando bass amp (solid state), a 100 watt guitar amp which we can't find any information on (also solid state), and an 80 watt Marshall Valvestate (which as the name suggests is both valve and solid state). The Marshall may be smaller than the others, but it is still very loud and will be perfectly usable in conjunction with the others.

The next problem will be transport, neither me, Nath or Phil can drive, and so we'll have to pack the majority of the kit in Nath's dad's van, once that is filled with the amps, and the drum kit, and the guitars, there probably won't be enough room for all of us. so my guess is that some of us will have to go in Phil's fiancée's car.

The next problem would be the sound tech, we don't have one of our own, and so we'll need to use whoever is at the venue, that is of course if there even is someone at the venue. So yeah, if you haven't guessed, being in a band is a lot more than most idiots expect it to be, and so we as a band have a lot of things to sort out.

This year is going to be fun...

Merry Christmas

To You Cunts,

Merry Freakin' Christmas

From This Cunt.




Yeah, I smegging hate Christmas, and I smegging hate this time of year, but I do wish you lot all the best because I'm friendly like that.

Bollocks

Naturally last week went by very slowly and was about as entertaining as rubbing my own face in raw sewage. I have to admit, it would be great fun to rub someone else's face in raw sewage, but that wouldn't make much of a difference to most of the people I know.

In contrast to the empty week, this weekend was almost eventful, which is why this post is a wee bit late. So what happened? well on Saturday I went to the House of Zed for the first time in forever. It started off being quite enjoyable, before I started getting bombarded by bollocks. The bollocks briefly settled down a few times, but it soon returned.

So what was the bollocks? It was mainly Zed talking absolute bollocks to try and stop me from becoming a musician in the British Armed Forces. I could understand her wanting me to not sign up if I was going to join the Infantry, but I'm going in to be a musician, I won't see much combat, and even so, the job brief states that during those times I'll be assisting the Army Medical Services.

After I don't know how much bollocks she ended up laying on me, I was able to work out the reason she started all this: she doesn't like the way the Army does things. I don't think she knows how the Army does things, likewise she thinks that I don't know how the Army does things, she also thinks I have an over-romanticised view on it all, and that I'd never get a woman in my life if I join.

One thing is true, I don't know how the Army does things, I only know what I have been told, and what I have read. But I think I know more about my chosen career choice than what she does. As for thesecond point, I do have a bit of a romantic view towards the Army, but not in the way she believes. Finally, for the last point, I always thought girls were looking for a knight in shining armour, I know for a fact that shining armour is bollocks, I'd much rather become the soldier in battle-worn Kevlar.

Her third point was then improved slightly by saying that she wouldn't expect girls in the Army to go for a submissive chap like me. I think quite the contrary, I imagine the girls in the Army would be fed up of having a man tell them what to do all day, every day, I think they'd appreciate the change. Anyway, the bollocks continued, and I tried to direct it at her, but my attempts failed.

After awhile, there was a pause. The pause didn't last very long, and when it ended the bollocks had changed into something completely different. She said I needed to stop falling in love with every girl I meet. I straight up told her that was bollocks,adding that in the time she had known me I had only fallen for one person: her. That ended ages ago, when she decided to spend a forty-five minute long Skype call telling me how big of a cunt I was.

I then had to explain to her why I fell for her, and I then said that it was a common occurrence. Here is a link to an article that explains everything. I don't know how reliable that website is, but that topic is at least touched on in various psychology books. if you read it you'll notice it that it's about falling for your therapist, which is what Zed used to be for me, and she helped me overcome my depression, before sending me back into it, albeit, only briefly.

It wasn't long before the bollocks went back to what it originally was, I was fighting a losing battle, but I'm not going to change just because she asked me to. Thankfully it was soon time for me to leave, and I was grateful to find at home that pizza was in the oven, and my favourite brother was visiting us so we could all sit down together and watch Guardians of the Galaxy, which I'd highly recommend for those of you who haven't yet seen it.

The next day was full of less bollocks, but I get the feeling, I'm going to feel the wrath of more this week, and maybe my angry ex-girlfriend Dana, will come and brutally murder me, which might be nice, or maybe Jade (an annoying dumbass from college) will murder me. Anyway, back to the original topic, I bought my old guitar back off my ex yesterday, it's in a better condition than I thought, but it needs a proper set-up, I've done the best I can and it still isn't right.

As to why this post wasn't posted yesterday, after I bought (and mostly set-up) that guitar, my favourite brother picked me up and so we went up to his and watched films. We only watched two, but we had to go pick his wife up from the train station after the first which took awhile, and then we all sat down to watch the second film while eating dinner.

So I have some film recommendations for those of you who haven't yet seen them: The Lego Movie, Porco Rosso, 40 Year Old Virgin, Frozen and Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, I did just chose all the films I watched this week, I think all of them are awesome, and I get the feeling you'll like them all too. Enjoy!

Party Number One & Party Number Two

This week hasn't been a very eventful one, however I did get quite a few things done, and my weekend was actually quite exciting. So why wasn't my week exciting? Well nothing happened, I went to college, I played guitar, and then I went back to bed. But come Friday, all the fun things started to happen.

Friday did start off slowly, I went to college, I did college things and then I came home, where I sat around doing nothing while I waited for a message over Skype. That message came just as I sat down to eat my dinner, and I was halfway through my post on Bronies UK. Things were about to get interesting, and so I scoffed down my food as fast as my tiny mouth would let me, and quickly typed up my last paragraph to my latest post.

Before I could finish doing all that, Nathan had arrived at my door, he was wondering what was taking me so long, and rushed me the rest of the way through. Once that was done we set off for party number one: his uncle's Birthday Party. Nothing much happened at party number one, and we bailed as soon as we had the chance. I did see my ex-girlfriend Tiegan there, who was looking pretty in her dress, and doing everything in her power to avoid eye-contact with me (which was to be expected), it was no surprise that she was there though, she lives at that house.

Once we bailed we ended up standing at a bus stop for about 40 minutes, it was boring as smeg but much more interesting than party number one. The bus came, and the mood soon lightened up and after about 20 minutes in the buss, and a 10 minute walk, we had finally arrived at party number two: the Greedy Pigs Christmas Party!

Annoyingly we arrived at party number two a little too early, the Piggies were all still finishing their desserts. A few of the Piggies had finished eating and so we mingled a little bit, but we still had to wait about 15 minutes before the main event kicked in. An AC/DC tribute band called Dirty Little Touch, they stuck to performing the Bon Scott era AC/DC stuff, and with me only being a casual fan of AC/DC, I didn't know much of that era, since the Brian Johnson songs are what they predominantly play on the radio.

Just before the band kicked in I started the first of what became three pints of whatever pale ale was on the tap. I've never really been much of a drinker, and so those three pints made me quite tipsy, and for the first time, I got myself drunk. I wasn't completely wankered, but I was still drunk nonetheless. And so, I don't remember much of what happened at the party, other than the fact I was actually on the dance floor, and judging by my neck in the morning, I must have been headbanging like there was no tomorrow.

We got back in from the party at about one O'clock in the morning, and the first thing we did was order a curry. I have to say, there is nothing quite like a Vindaloo at that time in the morning, It went down a charm, but when I woke up to do my papers at half-past-six, I regretted it, I got about two houses into my round before my arse started to build up a lot of pressure. It soon became hard to concentrate on walking in a straight line, delivering the right papers to the right houses and not shit myself.

Thankfully I managed to hold myself together long enough to get back to Nathan's house, where I was grateful to find that the downstairs toilet was right by the back door, and more importantly, unoccupied. This is where I realised that it was a very bad idea to choose a Vindaloo, magma was spewing from my arse, and tears were flooding from my eyes, but I didn't think that through when I decided what curry I was going to have, I should have just stuck with a Masala, something that wouldn't hurt coming out, but no, I had to be an idiot.

The pain didn't last long at least, I walked upstairs with stiff legs and flopped onto the bed Nathan had set up for me. I was fast asleep the second I had fought off the last of my clothes and by the time I woke up most of my pain had gone. I still felt groggy, and my neck was still stiff, but my arse felt great, that is until just before I went to bed that night, when I needed another dump.

Today was also quite entertaining, albeit, not particularly eventful. One event of today did strike me as odd though. A few weeks ago I went into B&M to buy WD40 (well, a cheap rip-off of WD40 which does the exact same things), I was ID'ed before U could buy it. Yet today I bought two bottles of beer, using a different cashier, and I didn't get ID'ed. can you see the problem there? I look fourteen and yet I wasn't ID'ed to buy booze? That was quite confusing, but it made me smile.