Bollocks

Naturally last week went by very slowly and was about as entertaining as rubbing my own face in raw sewage. I have to admit, it would be great fun to rub someone else's face in raw sewage, but that wouldn't make much of a difference to most of the people I know.

In contrast to the empty week, this weekend was almost eventful, which is why this post is a wee bit late. So what happened? well on Saturday I went to the House of Zed for the first time in forever. It started off being quite enjoyable, before I started getting bombarded by bollocks. The bollocks briefly settled down a few times, but it soon returned.

So what was the bollocks? It was mainly Zed talking absolute bollocks to try and stop me from becoming a musician in the British Armed Forces. I could understand her wanting me to not sign up if I was going to join the Infantry, but I'm going in to be a musician, I won't see much combat, and even so, the job brief states that during those times I'll be assisting the Army Medical Services.

After I don't know how much bollocks she ended up laying on me, I was able to work out the reason she started all this: she doesn't like the way the Army does things. I don't think she knows how the Army does things, likewise she thinks that I don't know how the Army does things, she also thinks I have an over-romanticised view on it all, and that I'd never get a woman in my life if I join.

One thing is true, I don't know how the Army does things, I only know what I have been told, and what I have read. But I think I know more about my chosen career choice than what she does. As for thesecond point, I do have a bit of a romantic view towards the Army, but not in the way she believes. Finally, for the last point, I always thought girls were looking for a knight in shining armour, I know for a fact that shining armour is bollocks, I'd much rather become the soldier in battle-worn Kevlar.

Her third point was then improved slightly by saying that she wouldn't expect girls in the Army to go for a submissive chap like me. I think quite the contrary, I imagine the girls in the Army would be fed up of having a man tell them what to do all day, every day, I think they'd appreciate the change. Anyway, the bollocks continued, and I tried to direct it at her, but my attempts failed.

After awhile, there was a pause. The pause didn't last very long, and when it ended the bollocks had changed into something completely different. She said I needed to stop falling in love with every girl I meet. I straight up told her that was bollocks,adding that in the time she had known me I had only fallen for one person: her. That ended ages ago, when she decided to spend a forty-five minute long Skype call telling me how big of a cunt I was.

I then had to explain to her why I fell for her, and I then said that it was a common occurrence. Here is a link to an article that explains everything. I don't know how reliable that website is, but that topic is at least touched on in various psychology books. if you read it you'll notice it that it's about falling for your therapist, which is what Zed used to be for me, and she helped me overcome my depression, before sending me back into it, albeit, only briefly.

It wasn't long before the bollocks went back to what it originally was, I was fighting a losing battle, but I'm not going to change just because she asked me to. Thankfully it was soon time for me to leave, and I was grateful to find at home that pizza was in the oven, and my favourite brother was visiting us so we could all sit down together and watch Guardians of the Galaxy, which I'd highly recommend for those of you who haven't yet seen it.

The next day was full of less bollocks, but I get the feeling, I'm going to feel the wrath of more this week, and maybe my angry ex-girlfriend Dana, will come and brutally murder me, which might be nice, or maybe Jade (an annoying dumbass from college) will murder me. Anyway, back to the original topic, I bought my old guitar back off my ex yesterday, it's in a better condition than I thought, but it needs a proper set-up, I've done the best I can and it still isn't right.

As to why this post wasn't posted yesterday, after I bought (and mostly set-up) that guitar, my favourite brother picked me up and so we went up to his and watched films. We only watched two, but we had to go pick his wife up from the train station after the first which took awhile, and then we all sat down to watch the second film while eating dinner.

So I have some film recommendations for those of you who haven't yet seen them: The Lego Movie, Porco Rosso, 40 Year Old Virgin, Frozen and Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, I did just chose all the films I watched this week, I think all of them are awesome, and I get the feeling you'll like them all too. Enjoy!

I Have an Exciting Week Ahead, and I Have No Plans for It!

Well what do you know it's Sunday again and I don't actually have much to say. I am however excited about a few upcoming things. Before I get onto that though I will talk about a few parts of my week.

Well first thing I set about doing this week was designing a band logo, which I needed to get a bit of help for. I ended up calling upon the aid of my eldest brother Chaz, who decided to give me a few lessons on how to use Adobe Illustrator CS6. I definitely need those lessons, my vector drawing skills aren't great. I was even handed a booklet on how to use Adobe Illustrator CS2, which is pretty much the same as CS6, but I actually have CS2 so it was perfect for me, and I ended up creating a decent logo for a punk band, I don't know how well it'll work for pop-punk though, but my band mates haven't complained yet.

After the logo was done I started working on creating a pop-punk version of Eurobeat Brony's song Discord. I did this in the hopes that I could convince the rest of the band to join me in covering it, and thankfully I was able to succeed in such a thing. So now we have one song that we are definitely doing at some point.

Continuing on with the band activity, our lead singer Ash wrote a song for us, which describes all of our relationships without using his horribly inaccurate wrestling theory (don't ask). My initial thoughts on his song was simply "oh no" the least pop-punk person in the band wrote a pop punk song, and surprisingly it's actually not bad, I would say it's better than the one I wrote the other week, but it talks about me, Ash and also Nath instead of just Ash, or just me, or just Nath. Mine at least talks about just me, which focuses the song. Admittedly I screwed up the instrumental side of the song by letting my love of prog take over.

Other than various band related activities my week has been fairly uneventful, which has meant I've had a few bad days in regards to my depression, but overall I am still a mostly happy person. Weirdly I've been suppressing my depression with darker music, and by that I don't mean I've been listening to Cradle of Filth or someone similar, I mean instead of listening to Rush I've been listening to Tool. I suppose this is actually quite normal for a sad person to suppress their sadness with sad music, I just don't understand how it works.

Anyway this next week has at least two events that I'm looking forward to. First off tomorrow I'm going up to the House of Zed and the plan is that the entire Library Crew all turn up. The Library Crew consists of the three friends I've mentioned a lot on this blog recently (Ash, Nath and Zaina) and also another friend of mine, Keely, who is hard to reach now that we don't all go to school anymore. I'd also like to point out, in order to avoid confusion, that Keely is a boy, not a girl, he got the name Keely when Ash misheard what I called him during an intense game of Uno.

So the five of us are all going to have a meet up at the House of Zed, which is Zaina's house in case you didn't know. If all goes to plan Monday should be quite enjoyable, however, I was told by Zaina that she wanted to have a word with me, the way she said it implies that it's not going to be good news. I still can't wait to hear what she has to say, because she wouldn't have said it if it wasn't important and it might help relieve some of the tension within my mind.

The other thing that I'm looking forward to this week is celebrating my 100th video on YouTube, which I believe is on Wednesday or Thursday. I have a few plans for my video, but I'm not entirely sure what I'm actually going to do with it. The only thing I know for definite is that I'm going to need to borrow my dads smartphone, it's the best camcorder in the house.

Some Fun!

Despite my unfortunately boring day, the last week has actually been quite a lot of fun, especially Saturday which was awesome. There have been some other bad parts of my week which I'll get over and done with first, I'd like to end this post on a happy point for a change.

Apparently my mate Nath has been depressed, much like me, however, he hasn't really been talking to anyone so no one knows whats wrong with him. The fact he hasn't been speaking to me or anyone probably means that I won't be forming a band, again. It feels almost like I've been friend-dumped, but I'm trying to remain optimistic.

I've been continuing with my YouTube videos that I started the other week, and I've been enjoying doing it, it's given me a nice excuse to play Minecraft, I've also done an episode of Dawn of War: Dark Crusade because I thought it'd be fun to spice things up a little. It's been keeping me occupied for long enough to figure out what to do with the remainder of my day.

Today I stated writing a new song, it's a strange attempt to combine black metal with psychobilly, I'd also like to add a bit of prog to it, but I don't see that happening any time soon. At the moment it consists of a title, a fully written introduction and a mental chord pattern for the verses, I need to figure out a way to smooth the transition between the two, then I can figure out some lyrics. I'll get there soon enough, I pulled through with my other songs.

Anyway the highlight of my week was definitely Saturday, when I went up to visit my friend Zaina, who you might remember from my "totally not a date". If it was just me and her that visit would have simply been great, however Ash also came to visit her. Both me and Ash are crushing on Zaina, but both of us are friendzoned by her, and both of us have friendzoned her. The night was filled with laughing and innuendos and probably a bit too much staring. I also think they found out a little too many things about me that they probably didn't want to know...

As a side note I'd like to say that I finished reading Carrie (by Stephen King) earlier. It was an absolutely brilliant book and well worth the read, so if you haven't read it and are interested in horror-fiction, read it. I've now taken The Shining (also by Stephen King) down from my bookshelf and will start reading that, might even say a few words about it when I'm done.

Just One Last Push!

The last week has had a few unfortunate incidents, thankfully all has worked out quite well so I don't really mind that much. I don't want to talk about them, this blog is just turning in to me just writing about how depressed I am, when in truth I'm actually weirdly happy despite my depression.

Ignoring the majority of the week, I'm going to mention the biggest unfortunate event of them all, I got dumped: again. However, there was something different about this one, something which I didn't clock onto until about five minutes after the conversation had ended. I can't explain what it was that was out of place (other than the fact it was done over Skype), so I threw myself into denial (which I'm getting pretty good at) and waited out the weekend, until I could see her again at school.

Once I confronted Lydia in school, and gave her the Fluttershy plush I bought her the day before she dumped me, but was unable to give it to her, because I was unable to see her over the weekend, she had explained the whole situation to me. Apparently her mother saw a mark on the back of her neck (which she decided to register as a love bite) and decided to spend a good half an hour telling Lydia off because of it, whilst she had one of Lydia's triplet brothers use her Skype to dump me. Some parents really will do anything.

Anyway we had a laugh and a quick hug, and things are fine and dandy again. More importantly we have a plan and will soon be executing a coup, which means this mess might be sorted out, and me and Lydia can have a nice and peaceful relationship.

To digress, my business class has been getting lots of crap off our teachers about getting ourselves organised, because this is the last week, and we need to hand in all our work at the highest standard. Despite all this, I go to my business class as I usually do on a Monday period four, and we get relocated to another room with no teacher and no work, the teachers have taken everything in to mark, so we'd have some corrections to do that lesson, but no, I ended up spending the entire fifty minute lesson blabbing to my ex about God knows what.

This week at least isn't looking bleak, it's the end of the school year for the students in year eleven and thirteen, so everything is relaxed, the assholes are still assholes mind, but it's still quite pleasant at school. On Wednesday I even get to break my perfect attendance because I'm going to Bodnant Gardens near Conwy, if I'm lucky the laburnum arch will be in flower and I can cross something off my bucket list.

A lot of my plans may have been thwarted lately. I've also been depressed. Yet somehow, I'm happy. It may just be the satisfaction of killing people on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, which is a pretty bad game, but I fancied playing CoD online and my Xbox Live subscription has ran out so I can't play my favourite CoD game online (Black Ops), so I chose MW3 because my brother has it on Play Station 3, and PSN is free, so I set up an account on it.

I couldn't even use my normal username, some other gitbag stole it. Although PSN is connected to Steam, so I might have stole my normal username, which is a bummer. Although I have registered both accounts using the same email, so that theory doesn't really sound promising.

Some Nice Advice...

If you read my last post you should have guessed hat this week was actually quite depressing, watching romantic films earlier definitely didn't help either. I think I've successfully managed to piss off a nice portion of the school, I've successfully pissed of my ex, but I had no choice, I needed to piss her off, and I managed to get rejected by the girl who has been flirting with me for over two years now, when I didn't even ask her out in the first place. My week was just swell...

Anyway, I did manage to reconnect with my good old mate Matty, and I spent a nice portion of the week playing Gears of War 3 with him, I also went on a bike ride with him and my other mate, who is also called Matty (just to be awkward, but thankfully the other Matty who I talk to didn't join us, and I know many more Matty's), and this bike ride really pissed off my step mother because I got her bike really dirty, but that is what she gets when she buys my bike off of me instead of fixing up the bike I gave to her free of charge.

About the situation with my ex, I think I've successfully made it so she won't talk to me again, and I've stole her friendship circle. That should make me an asshole, and I should feel bad about it, but I already knew I was an asshole, and I fell perfectly fine with it. The only reason I feel fine with it is simply because we tried being friends once and it didn't work out, we just reconciled in the general hope that we'd both put effort in, I put effort into making that relationship work, she claims she did. Now she's gone, well not really I still share the same damned lessons as her.

I think Friday was the most depressing day of the week, I spent it telling my friend Zaina (who was one of those from my ex's friendship circle) about the things I did for my ex while we were together, the little things things that I did because I cared for her. She never cared about those things I did for her, she just berated me for them.

I did learn a few things though, firstly if you're going to fuck shit up, make sure you do it properly, and secondly, always make contingency plans...

Confusion? Depression? What the Smeg am I Actually Doing?

It's that time of the week again when I say something to try and help me keep track of my life. I'm pleased to say that this week week went without a hitch, well almost without a hitch, there was a minor breakdown on Wednesday.

I'd like to start by saying simply that every one comes to that point in their life when they begin to doubt their sexuality, I've been in that point for over two years now. I don't know why I'm still there, but I am. I guess it has something to do with the simple fact my girlfriend wears the trousers in this relationship. I'm sure there is something wrong about me needed to force her to watch a romantic film with me, I'm sure there is something wrong with me dragging her on a shopping trip. Seriously, shouldn't those be the other way around?

So if you haven't guessed, I'm kind of confused. I suppose I just have slight self-esteem issues, I guess that's quite common amongst teenagers like myself, and if you couple it with my vanity I guess that just puts me in denial, so at least I'm finally realising and admitting my problems. But I get the feeling that is also quite common, and as far as I'm concerned my vanity helps me with my self-esteem issues on the short-term, and the long-term is too far away for me to give two shits about, (and trust me I can't actually throw one shit that far let alone two).

My minor breakdown on Wednesday was nothing serious, it's like every other teenage relation relationship problem but without the assistance of drugs, or alcohol, or sex, and it didn't end in me getting dumped. I guess that means it wasn't like every other relationship problem then, so never mind.

Now for the important part, what the smeg am I doing? to be perfectly honest, I have no clue. I've been running, I've been writing, I've not been paying attention in class, I've been wishing I owned a contrabassoon (or I could at least afford one), and I've surprised my music teacher with my knowledge of classical music. But those things aren't really going to help me get any where in my life.

The problem with being eighteen is that everyone expects you to know what it is you want to do, and to also know how you're going to go about doing it, yet with the way things are, I don't think I stand much of a chance in getting to where I want to go, especially since all my plans have been destroyed.

If you read my first post on this blog you'd know that I want to join the army as a soldier, that is Plan A, but a few things have happened which make that unlikely, number one is that the army is supposed to be reducing in size, which means my chances of getting in have also been reduced, number two is that the nearest recruitment centre has been demolished so the next nearest is too far far away, and number three, my only remaining option is to apply online, which is a big problem.

There is a simple reason as to why it has a big problem and that is because my doctor screwed up my medical report when I was about eighteen months old. My records say I'm allergic to penicillin, which I'm not, but of course if I put I'm not allergic to penicillin in the medical test my record will get viewed and they will see that it says I am, therefore I'll be rejected from the army for lying about my medical. the next problem is that there is no "further comments" box in that questionnaire so I can't explain myself. And the final problem is that this is my last shot, I can only apply twice every twelve months.

Plans B & C are less attainable, so they don't make very good back-up plans. Plan B is to become a firefighter: Plan C, an author. This means I need a Plan D and I have no idea what I want to do with my life that I could use as a Plan D, maybe I'll just some Cthulhu and have him destroy the world so i don't have to worry any more, but I doubt an elder god will listen to me, so he'll most likely destroy me instead (if he answers my summons of course).

The only Plan D I can think of I'm a bit late to act upon, and That's go to university, the problem is the course I want to take requires me to be grade six in an orchestral instrument, I'm currently working towards grade five in guitar, but I don't think that counts as an orchestral instrument, and finally I can't afford a contrabassoon.

On the upside my short story is coming along nicely, and I should be able to finish it this week and start work on my next one. I have a few stories in mind, but two of them are going to require a bit of practise beforehand, so that's why I'm writing the shorter stories first.