I have been gone for quite awhile now, I haven't actually been anywhere, but I haven't posted in awhile. This has been for two simple reasons, first of which is that my schedule has been completely thrown into disarray, and secondly, I have been rather down. Any, since I have been gone for awhile, I thought I'd take this opportunity to reintroduce myself, as it has been about ten months since my initial introduction, and I have gone through quite a lot of changes since then.
I'd like to start off by saying that I am still a typical teenage lad, full of just as much shit as every other teenage lad. At the same time I'm not a typical teenage lad, since I spend a large portion of my time pretending to be a cat. Doing so has given me the nickname Kitty, and doing so keeps me very entertained.
Probably the biggest change that has occurred since my initial post is my relationship status, I've gone from being in the mostly stable relationship I was in when we started, to being single and pretty much friendless, from there I gained friends, followed by what would have been another mostly stable relationship if her mother wasn't a fascist dictator, to being single again, during that stage I became a bit depressed. Once I cheered myself up again, I was able to thrust myself into a new relationship which started on Tuesday, and now I'm about ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure that I am single once again. Go me.
There have of course been other changes that have happened since my initial post. I have formed a band, with my mate Nathan, I have started teaching other friends to play guitar, and I've even started at Stoke College, allowing me to make a few new friends, lads who I'm sure I'd normally not even think about associating myself with, but now we're pretty good pals.
These changes aren't really anything worth reintroducing myself because of though are they? Not really, or at least I don't think so. I have however, gone through a few more changes that aren't so physical. Namely my dreams ambitions, and my personal motto(s) . Last time I posted this I was looking forward to becoming an Infantry Soldier in the British Armed Forces, I'm now aiming to be a Musician for the army instead.
So about my dreams, I can't remember what they were when I last posted, I also can't remember if I posted them. I do know they have changed, for my current dream is to have a fairy tale romance with a woman whom I love. Back in my initial post, I strongly believed I had that, but since that relationship ended quite painfully, I must have been wrong, Also looking back on it, it amazes me that I even believed that in the first place.
My ambitions are a bit less far fetched, I just want to make it as a musician, either in the army, or in a band, or as a teacher. I don't really want to do any other job, although I'd accept being a luthier. I'd like to record an album at least, Which I plan on doing just as soon as I work out how I'd go about recording the drums, and also after writing at least thirty-five minutes worth of material.
I'd also like to endorse a worthy guitar company, and hopefully receive my own signature model guitar. The sad part of that is that I've planned out all the specifications of the instrument I can think of. If the company I currently want to produce my signature guitar actually do it, It'd most likely end up being the most expensive instrument they produce, probably down to the simple fact it has a nitrocellulose lacquer.
I know that last time I posted this I said nothing about my motto, well that is because I didn't actually have one back then. I now have two. The first motto came from an interview that Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein did with Premier Guitar. He said, "You don't have to be a great musician to make great music." I don't know if he made that up on the spot, rehearsed it, or copied it from someone else, but I'll continue to cite that quote as his, because he is the one who said it (albeit indirectly) to me.
The other motto came to me a few weeks ago, just after I proved a point. I said a short phrase to a friend of mine which just stuck in my head and rang several bells, "I may not know much shit, but I know my shit." Chances are I would have forgotten it, but since I italicized the "my" it clung to me, the statement has been changed slightly, but the message remains the same, as long as I know and stay true to myself I'll be happy.
Of course knowing myself also means acknowledging a few weaknesses of mine, such as my fears, and the various other little things that drive me to ruin, one of which is currently trying to drag me to hell (metaphorically) as I type this, but I think I've got it under control. That little problem is my tendency to feed off small slivers of hope, usually when I grasp onto one I cheer up like mad, but take that away and I fall further into my darker self.
Either way, I sit here now, dreaming silly dreams, debating my own silly beliefs. And wondering if there really is a Squid God. Perhaps that should be a silly little goal of mine, create my own religion, a religion in which the followers worship squids, and maybe other cephalopods.
I have a lot to think about....
