To You Cunts,
Merry Freakin' Christmas
From This Cunt.
Yeah, I smegging hate Christmas, and I smegging hate this time of year, but I do wish you lot all the best because I'm friendly like that.
Sunday 21 December 2014
Monday 15 December 2014
Bollocks
Naturally last week went by very slowly and was about as entertaining as rubbing my own face in raw sewage. I have to admit, it would be great fun to rub someone else's face in raw sewage, but that wouldn't make much of a difference to most of the people I know.
In contrast to the empty week, this weekend was almost eventful, which is why this post is a wee bit late. So what happened? well on Saturday I went to the House of Zed for the first time in forever. It started off being quite enjoyable, before I started getting bombarded by bollocks. The bollocks briefly settled down a few times, but it soon returned.
So what was the bollocks? It was mainly Zed talking absolute bollocks to try and stop me from becoming a musician in the British Armed Forces. I could understand her wanting me to not sign up if I was going to join the Infantry, but I'm going in to be a musician, I won't see much combat, and even so, the job brief states that during those times I'll be assisting the Army Medical Services.
After I don't know how much bollocks she ended up laying on me, I was able to work out the reason she started all this: she doesn't like the way the Army does things. I don't think she knows how the Army does things, likewise she thinks that I don't know how the Army does things, she also thinks I have an over-romanticised view on it all, and that I'd never get a woman in my life if I join.
One thing is true, I don't know how the Army does things, I only know what I have been told, and what I have read. But I think I know more about my chosen career choice than what she does. As for thesecond point, I do have a bit of a romantic view towards the Army, but not in the way she believes. Finally, for the last point, I always thought girls were looking for a knight in shining armour, I know for a fact that shining armour is bollocks, I'd much rather become the soldier in battle-worn Kevlar.
Her third point was then improved slightly by saying that she wouldn't expect girls in the Army to go for a submissive chap like me. I think quite the contrary, I imagine the girls in the Army would be fed up of having a man tell them what to do all day, every day, I think they'd appreciate the change. Anyway, the bollocks continued, and I tried to direct it at her, but my attempts failed.
After awhile, there was a pause. The pause didn't last very long, and when it ended the bollocks had changed into something completely different. She said I needed to stop falling in love with every girl I meet. I straight up told her that was bollocks,adding that in the time she had known me I had only fallen for one person: her. That ended ages ago, when she decided to spend a forty-five minute long Skype call telling me how big of a cunt I was.
I then had to explain to her why I fell for her, and I then said that it was a common occurrence. Here is a link to an article that explains everything. I don't know how reliable that website is, but that topic is at least touched on in various psychology books. if you read it you'll notice it that it's about falling for your therapist, which is what Zed used to be for me, and she helped me overcome my depression, before sending me back into it, albeit, only briefly.
It wasn't long before the bollocks went back to what it originally was, I was fighting a losing battle, but I'm not going to change just because she asked me to. Thankfully it was soon time for me to leave, and I was grateful to find at home that pizza was in the oven, and my favourite brother was visiting us so we could all sit down together and watch Guardians of the Galaxy, which I'd highly recommend for those of you who haven't yet seen it.
The next day was full of less bollocks, but I get the feeling, I'm going to feel the wrath of more this week, and maybe my angry ex-girlfriend Dana, will come and brutally murder me, which might be nice, or maybe Jade (an annoying dumbass from college) will murder me. Anyway, back to the original topic, I bought my old guitar back off my ex yesterday, it's in a better condition than I thought, but it needs a proper set-up, I've done the best I can and it still isn't right.
As to why this post wasn't posted yesterday, after I bought (and mostly set-up) that guitar, my favourite brother picked me up and so we went up to his and watched films. We only watched two, but we had to go pick his wife up from the train station after the first which took awhile, and then we all sat down to watch the second film while eating dinner.
So I have some film recommendations for those of you who haven't yet seen them: The Lego Movie, Porco Rosso, 40 Year Old Virgin, Frozen and Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, I did just chose all the films I watched this week, I think all of them are awesome, and I get the feeling you'll like them all too. Enjoy!
In contrast to the empty week, this weekend was almost eventful, which is why this post is a wee bit late. So what happened? well on Saturday I went to the House of Zed for the first time in forever. It started off being quite enjoyable, before I started getting bombarded by bollocks. The bollocks briefly settled down a few times, but it soon returned.
So what was the bollocks? It was mainly Zed talking absolute bollocks to try and stop me from becoming a musician in the British Armed Forces. I could understand her wanting me to not sign up if I was going to join the Infantry, but I'm going in to be a musician, I won't see much combat, and even so, the job brief states that during those times I'll be assisting the Army Medical Services.
After I don't know how much bollocks she ended up laying on me, I was able to work out the reason she started all this: she doesn't like the way the Army does things. I don't think she knows how the Army does things, likewise she thinks that I don't know how the Army does things, she also thinks I have an over-romanticised view on it all, and that I'd never get a woman in my life if I join.
One thing is true, I don't know how the Army does things, I only know what I have been told, and what I have read. But I think I know more about my chosen career choice than what she does. As for thesecond point, I do have a bit of a romantic view towards the Army, but not in the way she believes. Finally, for the last point, I always thought girls were looking for a knight in shining armour, I know for a fact that shining armour is bollocks, I'd much rather become the soldier in battle-worn Kevlar.
Her third point was then improved slightly by saying that she wouldn't expect girls in the Army to go for a submissive chap like me. I think quite the contrary, I imagine the girls in the Army would be fed up of having a man tell them what to do all day, every day, I think they'd appreciate the change. Anyway, the bollocks continued, and I tried to direct it at her, but my attempts failed.
After awhile, there was a pause. The pause didn't last very long, and when it ended the bollocks had changed into something completely different. She said I needed to stop falling in love with every girl I meet. I straight up told her that was bollocks,adding that in the time she had known me I had only fallen for one person: her. That ended ages ago, when she decided to spend a forty-five minute long Skype call telling me how big of a cunt I was.
I then had to explain to her why I fell for her, and I then said that it was a common occurrence. Here is a link to an article that explains everything. I don't know how reliable that website is, but that topic is at least touched on in various psychology books. if you read it you'll notice it that it's about falling for your therapist, which is what Zed used to be for me, and she helped me overcome my depression, before sending me back into it, albeit, only briefly.
It wasn't long before the bollocks went back to what it originally was, I was fighting a losing battle, but I'm not going to change just because she asked me to. Thankfully it was soon time for me to leave, and I was grateful to find at home that pizza was in the oven, and my favourite brother was visiting us so we could all sit down together and watch Guardians of the Galaxy, which I'd highly recommend for those of you who haven't yet seen it.
The next day was full of less bollocks, but I get the feeling, I'm going to feel the wrath of more this week, and maybe my angry ex-girlfriend Dana, will come and brutally murder me, which might be nice, or maybe Jade (an annoying dumbass from college) will murder me. Anyway, back to the original topic, I bought my old guitar back off my ex yesterday, it's in a better condition than I thought, but it needs a proper set-up, I've done the best I can and it still isn't right.
As to why this post wasn't posted yesterday, after I bought (and mostly set-up) that guitar, my favourite brother picked me up and so we went up to his and watched films. We only watched two, but we had to go pick his wife up from the train station after the first which took awhile, and then we all sat down to watch the second film while eating dinner.
So I have some film recommendations for those of you who haven't yet seen them: The Lego Movie, Porco Rosso, 40 Year Old Virgin, Frozen and Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, I did just chose all the films I watched this week, I think all of them are awesome, and I get the feeling you'll like them all too. Enjoy!
Sunday 7 December 2014
Party Number One & Party Number Two
This week hasn't been a very eventful one, however I did get quite a few things done, and my weekend was actually quite exciting. So why wasn't my week exciting? Well nothing happened, I went to college, I played guitar, and then I went back to bed. But come Friday, all the fun things started to happen.
Friday did start off slowly, I went to college, I did college things and then I came home, where I sat around doing nothing while I waited for a message over Skype. That message came just as I sat down to eat my dinner, and I was halfway through my post on Bronies UK. Things were about to get interesting, and so I scoffed down my food as fast as my tiny mouth would let me, and quickly typed up my last paragraph to my latest post.
Before I could finish doing all that, Nathan had arrived at my door, he was wondering what was taking me so long, and rushed me the rest of the way through. Once that was done we set off for party number one: his uncle's Birthday Party. Nothing much happened at party number one, and we bailed as soon as we had the chance. I did see my ex-girlfriend Tiegan there, who was looking pretty in her dress, and doing everything in her power to avoid eye-contact with me (which was to be expected), it was no surprise that she was there though, she lives at that house.
Once we bailed we ended up standing at a bus stop for about 40 minutes, it was boring as smeg but much more interesting than party number one. The bus came, and the mood soon lightened up and after about 20 minutes in the buss, and a 10 minute walk, we had finally arrived at party number two: the Greedy Pigs Christmas Party!
Annoyingly we arrived at party number two a little too early, the Piggies were all still finishing their desserts. A few of the Piggies had finished eating and so we mingled a little bit, but we still had to wait about 15 minutes before the main event kicked in. An AC/DC tribute band called Dirty Little Touch, they stuck to performing the Bon Scott era AC/DC stuff, and with me only being a casual fan of AC/DC, I didn't know much of that era, since the Brian Johnson songs are what they predominantly play on the radio.
Just before the band kicked in I started the first of what became three pints of whatever pale ale was on the tap. I've never really been much of a drinker, and so those three pints made me quite tipsy, and for the first time, I got myself drunk. I wasn't completely wankered, but I was still drunk nonetheless. And so, I don't remember much of what happened at the party, other than the fact I was actually on the dance floor, and judging by my neck in the morning, I must have been headbanging like there was no tomorrow.
We got back in from the party at about one O'clock in the morning, and the first thing we did was order a curry. I have to say, there is nothing quite like a Vindaloo at that time in the morning, It went down a charm, but when I woke up to do my papers at half-past-six, I regretted it, I got about two houses into my round before my arse started to build up a lot of pressure. It soon became hard to concentrate on walking in a straight line, delivering the right papers to the right houses and not shit myself.
Thankfully I managed to hold myself together long enough to get back to Nathan's house, where I was grateful to find that the downstairs toilet was right by the back door, and more importantly, unoccupied. This is where I realised that it was a very bad idea to choose a Vindaloo, magma was spewing from my arse, and tears were flooding from my eyes, but I didn't think that through when I decided what curry I was going to have, I should have just stuck with a Masala, something that wouldn't hurt coming out, but no, I had to be an idiot.
The pain didn't last long at least, I walked upstairs with stiff legs and flopped onto the bed Nathan had set up for me. I was fast asleep the second I had fought off the last of my clothes and by the time I woke up most of my pain had gone. I still felt groggy, and my neck was still stiff, but my arse felt great, that is until just before I went to bed that night, when I needed another dump.
Today was also quite entertaining, albeit, not particularly eventful. One event of today did strike me as odd though. A few weeks ago I went into B&M to buy WD40 (well, a cheap rip-off of WD40 which does the exact same things), I was ID'ed before U could buy it. Yet today I bought two bottles of beer, using a different cashier, and I didn't get ID'ed. can you see the problem there? I look fourteen and yet I wasn't ID'ed to buy booze? That was quite confusing, but it made me smile.
Friday did start off slowly, I went to college, I did college things and then I came home, where I sat around doing nothing while I waited for a message over Skype. That message came just as I sat down to eat my dinner, and I was halfway through my post on Bronies UK. Things were about to get interesting, and so I scoffed down my food as fast as my tiny mouth would let me, and quickly typed up my last paragraph to my latest post.
Before I could finish doing all that, Nathan had arrived at my door, he was wondering what was taking me so long, and rushed me the rest of the way through. Once that was done we set off for party number one: his uncle's Birthday Party. Nothing much happened at party number one, and we bailed as soon as we had the chance. I did see my ex-girlfriend Tiegan there, who was looking pretty in her dress, and doing everything in her power to avoid eye-contact with me (which was to be expected), it was no surprise that she was there though, she lives at that house.
Once we bailed we ended up standing at a bus stop for about 40 minutes, it was boring as smeg but much more interesting than party number one. The bus came, and the mood soon lightened up and after about 20 minutes in the buss, and a 10 minute walk, we had finally arrived at party number two: the Greedy Pigs Christmas Party!
Annoyingly we arrived at party number two a little too early, the Piggies were all still finishing their desserts. A few of the Piggies had finished eating and so we mingled a little bit, but we still had to wait about 15 minutes before the main event kicked in. An AC/DC tribute band called Dirty Little Touch, they stuck to performing the Bon Scott era AC/DC stuff, and with me only being a casual fan of AC/DC, I didn't know much of that era, since the Brian Johnson songs are what they predominantly play on the radio.
Just before the band kicked in I started the first of what became three pints of whatever pale ale was on the tap. I've never really been much of a drinker, and so those three pints made me quite tipsy, and for the first time, I got myself drunk. I wasn't completely wankered, but I was still drunk nonetheless. And so, I don't remember much of what happened at the party, other than the fact I was actually on the dance floor, and judging by my neck in the morning, I must have been headbanging like there was no tomorrow.
We got back in from the party at about one O'clock in the morning, and the first thing we did was order a curry. I have to say, there is nothing quite like a Vindaloo at that time in the morning, It went down a charm, but when I woke up to do my papers at half-past-six, I regretted it, I got about two houses into my round before my arse started to build up a lot of pressure. It soon became hard to concentrate on walking in a straight line, delivering the right papers to the right houses and not shit myself.
Thankfully I managed to hold myself together long enough to get back to Nathan's house, where I was grateful to find that the downstairs toilet was right by the back door, and more importantly, unoccupied. This is where I realised that it was a very bad idea to choose a Vindaloo, magma was spewing from my arse, and tears were flooding from my eyes, but I didn't think that through when I decided what curry I was going to have, I should have just stuck with a Masala, something that wouldn't hurt coming out, but no, I had to be an idiot.
The pain didn't last long at least, I walked upstairs with stiff legs and flopped onto the bed Nathan had set up for me. I was fast asleep the second I had fought off the last of my clothes and by the time I woke up most of my pain had gone. I still felt groggy, and my neck was still stiff, but my arse felt great, that is until just before I went to bed that night, when I needed another dump.
Today was also quite entertaining, albeit, not particularly eventful. One event of today did strike me as odd though. A few weeks ago I went into B&M to buy WD40 (well, a cheap rip-off of WD40 which does the exact same things), I was ID'ed before U could buy it. Yet today I bought two bottles of beer, using a different cashier, and I didn't get ID'ed. can you see the problem there? I look fourteen and yet I wasn't ID'ed to buy booze? That was quite confusing, but it made me smile.
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